It’s strange that the year my life changes the most is the year I journal the least. I seriously haven’t written in my journal in months. And those passing months have held some of the most significant things that have ever happened to me.

I’ve been keeping a journal since I was 11 years old. My cousin bought me one as a gift for Christmas of 1994. Since then it’s been my primary source of reflection, processing, and memory storage. I’ve captured some of the most ridiculous things. Someday I’ll have the guts to read some old entries at Seattle’s Salon of Shame. I’m not quite ready for that yet.

I hate the fact that I’m not journaling regularly now. I feel like I’m going to skip recording everything that’s happened in the last half-year and those memories are going to be lost forever. I wonder, however, if it’s somewhat developmentally appropriate. (Pardon the “day job” language.) I spent middle school, high school, college, and grad school a little lost. Mostly in that normal, adolescent/young adult, finding yourself sort of way. I was confused. Relationships were challenging. I didn’t understand how to interact with other people. The experiences I had with the people around me were novel, confusing, and needed lots and lots of processing.

Things now are different. I’m experiencing things I’ve never had before - from living in sin to getting so close to the “dream job.” It’s happening in a way that doesn’t require the same degree of analysis, stress, and concern. What I feel now and the choices I’m making now are right. I have no doubt of this. Some of the details are a bit fuzzy and confusing. But all the big stuff just makes sense.

I don’t want my journal to be the place I only go when I’m confused or stressed. I want it to be a running record of my life and my inner thoughts. I think that means just making time and forcing myself to do it. Like everything, it’s easy to do it when I need it - when my brain is full and I can’t see the other end without getting it all on paper. But even when things are good, there’s still so much value in keeping record of my perspective and the way in guides my choices.

The past 7 months have easily been the best of my life. When it gets hard again, as life inevitably does, I want to be able to revisit this time. Even if it’s just an attempt at trying to make it come back.