December 2011
1 post
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
It’s strange that the year my life changes the most is the year I journal the least. I seriously haven’t written in my journal in months. And those passing months have held some of the most significant things that have ever happened to me.
I’ve been keeping a journal since I was 11 years old. My cousin bought me one as a gift for Christmas of 1994. Since then it’s been...
October 2011
1 post
WatchI don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know it has something to do with this.
June 2011
3 posts
Nick Jonas encounter
Dave and I have been in Chicago for a few days now wandering around and doing as much touristy shit as humanly possible. Today we had planned to go to the Field Museum. Our morning plans took longer than expected so we detoured to Navy Pier. The pass we bought that gives us access to all the touristy stuff isn’t supposed to be good for anything after 5:30, but we stopped by the booth for an...
Marriage? No thanks (for now)
This may be unnecessarily snarky, but a friend’s “I am married!!!” post on Facebook is irritating.
Two things: 1) I find it a little sickening to celebrate an institution that is used as a means of systematic discrimination towards a significant portion of American society. 2) How is becoming married, in and of itself, an accomplishment? Finding someone you have a happy and...
It's funny how I sometimes forget things about...
For example, today I was reminded that the way I process stuff is by talking about it. I know that. It’s always been the case. But I temporarily forgot…
I started the day all moody and up in my head. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t shake the obnoxiously over-analytical thoughts that kept creeping into my brain. Then I went to a coffee shop and spent an hour catching up with...
April 2011
2 posts
WatchWanna see what I’ve been up to? And how brilliant my friends are?
makin movies →
I had grand plans to watch 300 movies this year. That’s not gonna happen. Instead I’m helping make a few.
March 2011
1 post
“I’ve always wanted for you what you’ve wanted for yourself
and yet I...”
– Alanis, “That Particular Time”
February 2011
3 posts
Movies in 2011 #16 - HOMEWORK (2011)
This was the first and least memorable film I saw during my visit to Utah for the 2011 Sundance Film Festival. Freddie Highmore was super cute, Emma Roberts was coy and complicated, but the whole thing never quite came together for me.
It was a nice enough coming-of-age story and I did enjoy the aspect of Highmore’s character being an artist. I would be hard-pressed, however, to recount any...
Movies in 2011 #15 - THE TILLMAN STORY (2010)
My visceral reaction to this film was toned down on this second viewing, but I still cycled through the whole range of emotions that it incites.
What I’ve always loved most about this movie is how, as the title so aptly suggests, it’s a story of a family. It’s not just Pat Tillman, his journey, and his death. It’s also his family and their struggles and joys.
“The days go on and on… they don’t end. All my life needed was a sense of...”
– TAXI DRIVER
January 2011
17 posts
“It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable...”
– Steve Martin, “Shopgirl”
Movies in 2011 #14 - 13 GOING ON 30 (2004)
As cliched and silly as this movie is, I kind of love it. It’s just fun. Jennifer Garner is perfect for this role that requires wide eyes and alternating awe and confusion.
I know I’m way over-thinking the concept, but it makes me wonder how my 13 year old brain would have dealt with a glimpse into what adulthood had in store.
Movies in 2011 #13 - UNFAITHFUL (2002)
Why did I like this movie so much the first time I saw it? It’s pretty boring. The bigger question is why the hell do I own it?
Movies in 2011 #12 - MALLRATS (1995)
“I too now am in the framing business.”
This movie will always be the place where one of the most important friendships of my life began.
Movies in 2011 #11 - WAITING FOR SUPERMAN (2010)
On my second viewing of this film, I cried and became incredibly frustrated and depressed in all the same places. I also noticed a few more holes in the arguments presented. Plus, I brought my incredibly intelligent friend with me and actually had someone to talk to about it afterwards, which this film essentially requires.
The problem, for me, with watching a movie that intends to leave you...
Movies in 2011 #10 - TINY FURNITURE (2010)
I think that Lena Dunham might be my new hero. I loved this movie. I loved how raw and exposed it was and how much reality existed on every level of this character and her experiences.
Unfortunately, my favorite part of this film, the part that I’m dying to discuss, is the last three minutes. So suffice it to say, I think the ending of TINY FURNITURE is brilliant. Well, I think that the...
“The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for...”
– Zig Ziglar
Movies in 2011 #9 - CHECKED OUT (2003)
I never thought I’d see Kari Taylor again. Also, I have hilarious friends.
Movies in 2011 #8 - GARDEN STATE (2004)
Sam: What are you doing? Andrew: Remember that idea I had about working stuff out on my own and then finding you once I worked stuff out? Sam: The ellipsis? Andrew: Yeah, the ellipsis. It’s dumb. It’s dumb. It’s an awful idea. I’m not gonna do it, okay? ‘Cuz like you said, this is it. This is life. And I’m in love with you. I think that’s the only thing...
Movies in 2011 #7 - BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)
How had I not seen this before now? If you’re going to do it, BluRay definitely is the way to go. I was somewhat distracted by the aging makeup, but I thought the movie itself was really funny. And it was interesting to finally have context for the many, many recognizable lines.
I hear Part 2 is better. Gotta find out soon.
Movies in 2011 #6 - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005)
It struck me while I was watching this film for what was probably my third or fourth time that I really wish I hadn’t known anything about it before seeing it the first time. I clearly remember visiting the Dimond Center theatre to see BROKEBACK when it first came out. I was with my then boyfriend and each of our best friends, who were also dating at the time. We sat in the back row of the...
Movies in 2011 #5 - STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006)
I’ve been trying to finish this movie for the last few nights but a significant shortage of sleep has meant that I wasn’t making it all the way through. I just finally got done and there are only two things to say: goddamn Maggie Gyllenhaal is hot. And this is the perfect example of a movie that I don’t like the ending but the rest of it makes up for it so thoroughly that I can...
Movies in 2010: A Summary
This last year was an embarrassing year as far as my viewing habits go. I watched very little and the overall quality of what I did watch wasn’t that great. But I took the effort to document it all, so I may as well post it.
Total movies (including repeats): 112
Total unique viewings: 98 Total first-time viewings: 75
Films by date: 1940s - 1 1970s - 3 1980s - 4 1990s - 6 2001 - 5...
Movies in 2011 #4 - BEEKEEPING (2005)
When I watched this for the first time a few months ago, it was the first time I’d seen people I know personally act in a feature-length film. Now that my fascination with that has worn of just a bit, I was actually able to play closer attention to the film itself. And I still totally loved it. I can see now why THE BEEKEEPERS is a better film, but my personal taste still falls with this...
Movies in 2011 #3 - THE NOTEBOOK
This movie was a lot different than I remembered. And really, when I say “different” I actually mean “worse.” McAdams and Gosling are adorable, but that’s really about all there is.
On the upside, I can definitively say that my taste in movies has gotten a lot better in the last 6 years. I still watch, and enjoy, some really shitty movies, but at least I can now...
Movies in 2011 #2 - MY SUMMER OF LOVE
I caught this film at Bear Tooth in 2005 and really enjoyed it at the time but didn’t remember much about it. At some point I found a DVD copy for cheap and bought it, more as a memento to the occasion when I first saw it than because I intended to watch it again. I was surprised when I randomly pulled it out of my stack of films yesterday to see that it starred Emily Blunt, who I think is...
Movies in 2011 #1 - THE FIGHTER
Pretty freaking incredible. I was distracted for the first few minutes by how amazing Christian Bale’s performance was, but then I was totally taken away by the whole thing. I want to see it again and challenge myself to not get so absorbed. Not sure that’s even possible.
December 2010
2 posts
Goodbye 2010
The last few days have been rough, but I don’t want to lose perspective on the fact that 2010 has been an incredible year. It has treated me very well, both professionally and personally.
Everyone and their mother seems to do some sort of year-in-review right around New Years, so I figured why not just add one more to the list…
January
Half-way point through my first year as a...
“When a 13 or 14 year old gay kid, or lesbian or bi or trans kid, kills himself,...”
– Dan Savage, The Colbert Report
November 2010
7 posts
“I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain;...”
– Sylvia Plath (The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath)
“Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet...”
– Derek Walcott
“Life is only worth a damn because it’s short. It’s designed to be...”
– COMMUNITY, Season 2 Episode 3
You Owe Me Nothing In Return
I’ll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I’ll hold it You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won’t judge it and there are no strings attached to it
Despite being...
It is entirely unrealistic for me to expect myself to be good at something that I’ve literally never done before. I have confidence that I am capable, but I’m not sure that I can expect much more than that from myself.
Just because I have to put effort into something that I want doesn’t mean that I’m failing or that I don’t actually want it.
I want to take a...
“And I’m afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with...”
– City and Colour, “Sleeping Sickness”
Being awake at 4:45am has a way of revealing your true anxiety level about things. It’s the perfect time to lay in bed staring at the ceiling and worrying about everything that could go wrong.
In an unusual turn of events - for me at least - I’m laying here not feeling concerned at all. I have complete confidence that this is all going to work out. More than that, I really think...
October 2010
2 posts
“It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our...”
– Death Cab, “What Sarah Said”
“Now the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their...”
– Yeasayer, “Ambling Alp”
September 2010
6 posts
Lower expectations minimize disappointment
Other than time being too short, my trip this week wasn’t as disappointing as I was bracing myself for. I very actively worked to moderate my expectations to the point that that half of the split-screen was nearly blank. All I wanted to do was see him and I refused to hope for any more than that.
After the fact, this leaves me to sit with simply what was rather than analyzing the...
You know that expectation/reality scene in (500) DAYS OF SUMMER? I feel pretty confident that I’m walking into my own version of that next week.
I’m attempting to manage/eliminate my expectations in advance but so far that’s been pretty unsuccessful.
Maybe it’s finally time for me to watch ANNIE HALL.
This week I learned that if you’re unsure how you feel about someone, not being able to talk to them hardly at all for a whole week (down from nearly-daily phone calls/IM conversations) is a good way to get some clarity.
Next I hope to learn what to do with clarity that you can’t act on.
WatchCurrently recruiting volunteers for AIFF 2010, which prompted me to revisit this somewhat-embarrassing pitch video that I starred in last year. It makes me cringe and I love it.
Ten years ago I made a choice
Today is 09/04/10. Exactly one decade ago, a climb up Flattop was the genesis of the most chaotic and destructive romantic relationship of my life. I’d love to be able to say something about all the lessons that I took from the experience and how, in the long run, I had no regrets. But that’s not true. I have huge regrets. I made really bad choices that damaged myself, my family, and my friends....
“Thanks Beth, and all the rest of you! I thought it was a very productive meeting...”
– Email I just got from one of the teachers at my school. Some days you need to hear this.
August 2010
1 post
Pensive...
I like having friends that make me think.
Currently on the other end of a great discussion about life and relationship decisions. I am astounded by how I am so stuck to the “shoulds” and expectations placed on me when it comes to my professional decisions despite all the while making impulsive, self-destructive relationship decisions.
My pursuit of a film festival career is...
July 2010
2 posts
Beth vs Comic Con: Day 0.5
Yesterday (Wednesday, July 21) was Preview Night at San Diego Comic Con 2010. This year is my first attending Comic Con and the whole thing is quite new to me. Since purchasing my pass last September, I’ve read every “survival guide” on the internet and relentlessly planned for the event.
Yesterday, it (kind of) begun.
Preview Night means there’s no panels and a limited...
A quote from today's journal entry..,
My next step is to find the perfect combination of precaution, calculated risk, and ballsyness that will lead to spending as much of my life as possible experiencing that incredible feeling I had both at AIFF and SIFF this year. The feeling that is capable of being heard over any degree of frustration or exhaustion as it screams, “this is it for you.”
April 2010
10 posts
Solicitor calls make me grumpy...
Scene - 10am Sunday morning. I am in bed asleep. Phone rings. Caller ID displays telemarketer number that’s called me 3 times this week. I answer. Me: Stop calling me! Guy on phone: Uh, I don’t think I’ve called you before. Me: What do you want? Guy on phone: Well first, how are you doing this morning? Me: Well, I was asleep, but other than that, fine. Guy on phone: Oh, I’m...
2010: A Year in Movies - #18 Me and Orson Welles
A new year has arrived. One of my (many) goals is to be more serious about film as a step towards making it more than just a hobby. To that end, I plan on documenting the films I watch this year. Enjoy.
#18 - Me and Orson Welles (2009) Director: Richard Linklater
Confession: I saw this movie because I was craving breadsticks. The Bear Tooth Theatrepub is the best theatre in Anchorage. You...